The other night, my son Jacob called me frantically into his room. There was something there I just had to see.
When I got there, he pointed to this picture hanging on his wall up by his bed.
"Crawl up there Mom, look at it" he says.
So, I very unsteadily climbed up the metal ladder for his bunk bed and viewed the picture on his wall.
It was a picture of a man, woman and child, holding hands happily. Above them it said "Mommy, Daddy & Jacob = Happy Family"
By the time I turned to look at him he was crying.
"Why Mommy, why did you have to ask Daddy to leave?"
Understanding that most children at 9 shouldn't know half the things he knows, I tried to explain to him that Mommy and Daddy fought all the time and we weren't happy and I cried a lot and that just wasn't good for any of us.
"She did cry you know" my little Kyle piped in.
"But you could have just done it for us Mom, Daddy promised you would never get divorced. Now you lied to me. You lied Mom"
What do you say at a time like this.
"I'm sorry Baby" I told him.
"Get off my bed now" he said "I need you to leave my room."
I didn't know what more to say so I climbed down off his bed and went to my room and felt like a baby myself. I curled up in a ball on my bed and cried and cried.
I heard my door open a little bit and I saw my 5 year old standing there. He ran up and hugged me tighter than I think he ever has before and started crying too.
"It's o.k Mommy," he said, "Don't cry. I love you"
A few minutes later Jacob appeared in my door too...
"Boy," he said,"we are all a bunch of crying weirdos."
Before you knew it we were all hugging and laughing...
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Always for My Monkeys
Usually I write little stories about the boys. Cute things they say or do that I never want to forget that can so easily be forgotten in the business of life...
This time, I decided it needed to be different.
Recently, I have talked to too many people experiencing the same thing as I am - going through a divorce. The most important thing about my divorce, and many of theirs, is that we are not going through it alone. Too often, there are children involved.
No matter what the circumstance is surrounding a divorce - whether one spouse has been unfaithful or if your marriage has ended for any other reason - the children need to become the focus of your actions. This is too often forgotten.
In my situation, it was difficult as my husband had ALWAYS been the caretaker for my children. As a mom, it was such a difficult choice for me to let my babies go and let them go live with their Dad and to become the "every-other-weekend" parent. It tore me apart and my empty house suddenly became a place I really didn't want to be.
Recent circumstances has changed that arrangement and my monkeys are now back at home with me, and though I couldn't be happier, in my heart, I still feel for their father. After all, I think about how my heart was broken when they left my home and so I know that his was broken too when he moved their things back in the house last night.
In fact, he even said to me, as he carried in the last bag, "I want you to know this is the worst feeling I have ever felt."
The thing that I want to share with my friends that are experiencing these things, is that above all else - no matter what hatred or hurt you might be feeling, keep your kids first. Continue to be a responsible parent, a loving parent and remember right now, your children are probably really confused - so love them just a little more than you ever have before, give them that extra time, play that extra game of cards before bed, give them 20 hugs instead of 10.
At the same time, provide them some stability. Keep to your rules and be a responsible loving parent - they need you now more than ever.
You might find that you need them now more than ever too!
This time, I decided it needed to be different.
Recently, I have talked to too many people experiencing the same thing as I am - going through a divorce. The most important thing about my divorce, and many of theirs, is that we are not going through it alone. Too often, there are children involved.
No matter what the circumstance is surrounding a divorce - whether one spouse has been unfaithful or if your marriage has ended for any other reason - the children need to become the focus of your actions. This is too often forgotten.
In my situation, it was difficult as my husband had ALWAYS been the caretaker for my children. As a mom, it was such a difficult choice for me to let my babies go and let them go live with their Dad and to become the "every-other-weekend" parent. It tore me apart and my empty house suddenly became a place I really didn't want to be.
Recent circumstances has changed that arrangement and my monkeys are now back at home with me, and though I couldn't be happier, in my heart, I still feel for their father. After all, I think about how my heart was broken when they left my home and so I know that his was broken too when he moved their things back in the house last night.
In fact, he even said to me, as he carried in the last bag, "I want you to know this is the worst feeling I have ever felt."
The thing that I want to share with my friends that are experiencing these things, is that above all else - no matter what hatred or hurt you might be feeling, keep your kids first. Continue to be a responsible parent, a loving parent and remember right now, your children are probably really confused - so love them just a little more than you ever have before, give them that extra time, play that extra game of cards before bed, give them 20 hugs instead of 10.
At the same time, provide them some stability. Keep to your rules and be a responsible loving parent - they need you now more than ever.
You might find that you need them now more than ever too!
Thursday, July 09, 2009
Broken Hearted Little Boy
Divorce is hard on children of all ages. I remember when I went through my first divorce, my children, Travis and Alex, were so young then that it seemed to not affect them too much. I know now, as they have gotten older, it still affects them - every day.
My two little boys, Jacob and Kyle, are now facing the same thing as their Dad and I have realized that, though we love eachother, we just can't be together anymore.
The road has been hard and long already but we are finally getting along and for the kids, it seems to be making it better - as good as it can be.
Today, however, Jacob was broken hearted.
His broken heart was not caused by his Dad or myself this time though. It was caused by the woman whose children live upstairs from us.
There are 3 kids that live in the upstairs apartment from our home. They are 14, 10 and 9. From the day that we moved in all of the kids have played together so well.
Today, Jacob went upstairs, like any other day, to see if the oldest boy who he gets along with the best, Miguel, could play. Before I could turn around, he was running down the stairs crying his eyes out because he was told by Miguel's mom that he was too young to play with Miguel anymore. Even though they had just been outside last night til 9 p.m. playing together.
Funny how you can separate a family and kids seem to be o.k but tear apart friends, and watch their little hearts break right in two...
My two little boys, Jacob and Kyle, are now facing the same thing as their Dad and I have realized that, though we love eachother, we just can't be together anymore.
The road has been hard and long already but we are finally getting along and for the kids, it seems to be making it better - as good as it can be.
Today, however, Jacob was broken hearted.
His broken heart was not caused by his Dad or myself this time though. It was caused by the woman whose children live upstairs from us.
There are 3 kids that live in the upstairs apartment from our home. They are 14, 10 and 9. From the day that we moved in all of the kids have played together so well.
Today, Jacob went upstairs, like any other day, to see if the oldest boy who he gets along with the best, Miguel, could play. Before I could turn around, he was running down the stairs crying his eyes out because he was told by Miguel's mom that he was too young to play with Miguel anymore. Even though they had just been outside last night til 9 p.m. playing together.
Funny how you can separate a family and kids seem to be o.k but tear apart friends, and watch their little hearts break right in two...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)