Never a Thought

Never did I imagine that life for my children would end up the way it is today.

Never a thought crossed my mind that they would ever feel pain and hurt the way they have.

The mistakes I have made.

The lives I have touched.

The lives that have touched ours...

Somewhere I made a mistake,
and now one of my children doesn't believe in God.

Somewhere I made a mistake,
and now one of my children feels they are stuipd.

Somewhere I made a mistake,
and now one of my children longs for his father every day.

Somewhere I made a mistake,
and now one of my children thinks only I can do things for him.

I can't change my past.

I can't fix the damage I have done.

It's my fault.

Those therapy sessions of the future shoudl be paid for by me.

It's my fault.

I have damaged their innocense.

The choices I made,
The things I thought I did right,
The things I knew were wrong.

It's my fault.

To go back to that first day
that I ever held their little hands...

To go back to that first day
I ever kissed their little heads...

I counted their fingers,
I counted their toes,
I examined their ears, their eyes, their nose...

I wanted to make sure they were just right...

So I could mess them up I guess...

I can never say sorry enough for the pain I have placed in their hearts.

I can never say sorry enought for the damage I have done.

I can't go back and change any of it..

I can go forward.
I can continue to love them
with my whole heart and soul
and do only my best to continue to make up for the time I have lost
and do only my best to teach them the importance of God, family and love

I just hope they want to go forward with me.